Helping Children Bounce Back from Failure

When your child comes home disappointed with a low test score, when their team does not win the soccer game, or when they don’t make the cut for the team, what should you do? We all experience “failure” at some point in life. No one is perfect, and no one can be the best at everything they do—and that’s OK! 

Positive Discipline Strategies

The words “positive” and “discipline” may not seem like they should go together. But disciplining children can be a positive experience when parents are equipped with different strategies to use for different situations. Discipline does not necessarily have to be a negative thing; Discipline actually means guidance, not punishment. Children need to learn “the rules” of how to act, how to treat others, how to share, how to say “please” and “thank you,” etc. from adults through positive discipline interactions.

Disciplining becomes easier when we keep in mind that there is a reason for all behaviors. Children’s actions are driven by their needs, and children do not always know or understand how to express their needs or act upon their needs in an appropriate manner that is not disruptive or harmful. A child might be hungry, tired, or in need of attention and that is why they are “acting out” or not following instructions. That’s where positive discipline comes in! Adults can discipline children in a way that guides and teaches them appropriate ways of interacting with others, expressing one’s needs, acting on one’s needs, and how to behave in different situations.

Additionally, just as one size rarely “fits all,” not every discipline technique works with every child or in every situation. One child may cry when you give them a stern look. Another may ignore your stern look causing you to do more than just look at them to get your message across for them to stop what they are doing. Yet another may respond and change their behavior appropriately when you look at them sternly. All children are different. Some children are more sensitive than others. Some have a harder time focusing attention or remembering what they are told than others. Matching the approach to discipline with your child’s characteristics or temperament, will get you the best result. Likewise, not every discipline technique is fit for every situation. For example, if your four-year-old is running on a wood floor in their sock feet and you have told them many times not to run in the house, you might let nature take its course (Natural Consequences) and let them learn the hard way that running on wood floors in your socks will lead to you falling down. But you wouldn’t want to use that same strategy if your four-year-old keeps opening the fence gate and running towards the road - the natural consequences of running into the road are far too dangerous for that discipline response. Having many disciplining tools equips parents to select the one that best fits the child, the situation, and the behavior.

Positive disciplining can happen when parents have many tools to choose from, when the child’s needs and motivations are considered, and when parents guide their child towards more appropriate behavior.